Friday, 26 February 2016

The End? Not Yet.

Is suicide the answer?

As I was browsing through the sent folder of my email to retrieve an important document, I came across a mail I had sent to a stranger a year and a half back. It made me sit still and reflect on my life, from then till now.

I had found a thread on Yahoo Answers, when I had searched something related to committing suicide. Those days, I was on the verge of giving up. In that thread, I found an answer where someone had left their email id, telling the one who had started the thread to talk to them if they needed to. The thread was some 2-3 years old, but still I chose to send an email to them, as keeping something so huge a secret was troubling me a lot.

Below produced is the email.

I don't even know what age or gender you are but I saw your answer on Yahoo Answers. I'm not expecting you to reply but I need to tell someone about this and a stranger is the only option for me right now.  I feel like killing myself every minute. I have suicidal thoughts too often. I'm ruining my relationship with every person possible. I'd freak out if I got such an email one day. It's not spam.
Thanks for reading though :)

Turned out she was a girl and she replied to my mail. Looking back, I realize that it was the best thing that could have happened then. Her reply didn’t solve any of my problems, but it gave me the little strength I needed to hold on to life, and I’m happy that I did.

I had totally forgotten about the email until now. The first thing it prompted me to do was to thank the people who had helped me survive and thrive and so I picked up the phone and began dialing.
The second thing it made me want to do was to write about ‘Suicide’.

So, here I am, sharing my perspective about some things related to suicide.

Why Some People Choose to End Their Lives

Contrary to the common perception, people don’t commit suicide because they want to die. Nobody wants to die. They are equally scared of death as you and me, but they are more scared of living the nightmare they find themselves in. Comparatively, death seems easier to some.
At some point or the other, most of us would’ve thought about ending our lives, even if we are in a denial about it.

As Albert Camus rightly said, “But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself.”

I don't mean to relate someone who has committed suicide to being coward, but I want to tell YOU, that if after struggling with suicidal thoughts, you're still here, I am proud of you. 

Generally, when we learn about a case of suicide from some news report, the reasons for suicide are many times not known or seem trivial to us, like a financial crisis, inability to crack some competitive exam, failed relationships, academic failure, etc. Unfortunately, it is the tip of the iceberg we look at, while the part of it responsible for sinking the ship remains hidden, or unexplored. 
When a bucket is kept under a dripping tap, it starts leaking only after the water is already full to the brim. We see the drop that caused the water to overflow, after it had already filled the bucket, as the sole reason why the bucket leaked. But, in reality, it was only the final push, not the reason why someone chose to end their life.

It is when the pain exceeds the coping resources that one thinks about shutting the book of their lives, before the climax. 

Why Suicide Is Not The Answer

I won’t blabber here about suicide being the wrong thing to do. It is not about morality, religion or the law. Neither am I anyone to judge someone’s choice of what they want to do with their life.
If doing anything brings happiness to someone and their loved ones, they are more than welcome to do that.
But the question here is, does suicide actually bring anyone happiness?

It may put an end to the excruciating pain someone is going through, but doesn't it also put an end to the scope of betterment of life? Doesn't it snatch away from our hands, the capability to make our lives beautiful?

Moreover, it surely brings grief to our close ones, more than how our natural death would have.

In May, 2015, a guy I knew ended his life. We weren’t friends; I was just acquainted with him through a mutual friend. But, his death made me feel sad. I am sure he wouldn’t have even thought about me before taking his life; which makes it extremely difficult to imagine the pain his family and friends would have gone through.

Also, a failed suicide attempt could leave one physically or mentally disabled, only worsening things.

Why Law Can’t Stop Anyone From Committing Suicide

Unfortunately, in many states, if someone is caught attempting suicide or fails at an attempt to commit suicide, they can be prosecuted. Instead of providing them with the help and love they deserve, they can be imprisoned or fined.
I want to ask here, has the fear of law been able to keep crimes at bay?
In spite of capital punishment, cases of murders, abuse and violence are still being carried out rampantly. Law is something that is imposed on the people.

I don’t think you can stop someone from ending their lives by simply declaring it illegal.
What could prove effective in decreasing suicides can be an efficient and accessible emotional support system for all.

Why We As A Society Are Responsible If Someone Amongst Us Commits Suicide 

I am not saying that we are responsible for someone else’s feelings or actions. We are not. But, we ARE responsible for the apathetic and competitive attitude we have developed as a society.

In a superficial world we have created for ourselves, we have forgotten to see human beings as individuals with their own struggles and accomplishments. We can surely debate about suicide all we want. We can label it as the stupidest thing to do. When someone actually chooses to end their life, we may even have the audacity to say how wonderful they were and how we would’ve certainly helped them had they asked for it.

But the thing is, when we see live human beings around us, our main focus is on their behavior. We don't think twice before putting labels on people based on their behavior, not even bothering to find the reason beneath it. This makes our attitude hostile towards the people who exhibit behavior that does not conform to the ways of the society.

    Why Everyone Deserves to Live

I believe that we all are born divine and pure. No one is born a thief, a rapist or a murderer. It’s our conditioning and the environment we are raised in that shapes our paradigm. However, we are ultimately the product of the choices we make and not our environment. We can always make a choice, how difficult it may be, to step out of the years of conditioning and create a beautiful life for ourselves.

A diamond covered in mud and dust can never cease to be a diamond. Divinity is in our nature, it is just hidden because of our conditioning, our bitter experiences and our wrong choices.

Why I’m glad I Chose to Live

As I mentioned earlier, I was on the fringe. Another emotionally disturbing situation and I could have killed myself. Back then, it was impossible for me to believe that I could ever love myself. I was so much full of hatred, for myself and for the world that seemed absolutely unfair to me.

Fortunately, whenever I was about to break down, I got help, in various forms, asked and unasked.

I would like to share one such incident.

When my then-boyfriend had assaulted me, I was more than reluctant to go back home with the guilt and shame I was carrying with me. I didn’t even want to live anymore. As I was thinking of ways to end my life, Ross’s picture came to my mind. A four month old, ever loving, seriously ill puppy was back at home, and I was supposed to get him a medical treatment done. Unfortunately, we lost him a week after. I couldn’t save Ross, but he did save me.

Several instances came after that, where I was close to killing myself, but I chose not to; and I am proud of myself for making that choice.
Not only would I have caused hurt to the people close to me, but I also would have missed out on the amazing and meaningful life I am living now. I would have missed out on the beauty of the nature and the people I come across daily. And most importantly, I would have left the purpose of my existence unfulfilled.



  1. I appreciate the way you explained..........
    Keep Inspiring the world and save people from such destroying feelings
    Welldone Anahita.

  2. ...thank you for inspiring and encouraging.

  3. Someone I know has written such a powerful article that on reading it, I feel amazing and lucky!

  4. Yesterday, upon the stair,
    I met a man who wasn't there.
    He wasn't there again today,
    I wish, I wish he'd go away...

    When I came home last night at three,
    The man was waiting there for me
    But when I looked around the hall,
    I couldn't see him there at all!
    Go away, go away, don't you come back any more!
    Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door...

    Last night I saw upon the stair,
    A little man who wasn't there,
    He wasn't there again today
    Oh, how I wish he'd go away...

    1. I'm really proud of people like you Anahita.Really brave and strong. Wish there weren't people like your moron friend to destroy the little kid that resides inside all of us.Your soul was the liveliest of all.You've changed a lot at school as I silently watched from a distance.....Grew up maybe.It'd take more than 50 guesses to reach my name so don't even bother trying.

    2. And yes,we are the same.....the comment and it's reply

    3. Thanks a lot friend. It is completely alright for me to not know who you are. Wish you the best for your life ahead.

  5. Nice commendable job.. Thanks for your word of wisdom..

  6. listen u bitch anahita i know u personally. hated u always. honestly u should have committed suicide bitch. this world is a better place without assholes and bloody bitches shits like u bitch. want to freaking throw acid on ur face hate u bitch hate u.

  7. i hate u so much bloody bitch. and i cannot stand it if u look good . so i will demolish ur face and make u an ugly demon loser bitch

  8. oo i just found this page this fb page somewhrere just now

  9. Hahahah one enemy of u one jealous girl has created multiple ids of u on fb likedin, twitter, instagram and many other social sites projecting u as whore, rapist, uly whore, murderer etc in all social sites

  10. Hahahah one enemy of u one jealous girl has created multiple ids of u on fb likedin, twitter, instagram and many other social sites projecting u as whore, rapist, ugly whore, murderer etc in all social sites